They don't heal at all

"be very careful with your words because some people are more fragile than others and they don't heal easily or maybe they don't heal at all"

LIFE UPDATE! (UNORGANIZED)

OLA GUYS! GOOD MORNING GOOD MORNING!!

first of all, I dunno if I have a sleeping problem, but I cant sleep this several days.. on top of that im writing this entry because I cant sleep, would not sleep and could not sleep ! my brain would not working now because of this insomnia. well I guess I have to bear for it for now.

So I just wanna update you guys with my life !

emm.. nothing interesting , really. just stress up to know that final exam is coming up on 6 April and Im not ready for it! for real :O

but im excited for the holiday hahaha.. its lent season currently, so nothing much expectation when I come back in Tawau. I dont even know if I will coming back to Tawau too. I might just end up in KK alone. doing my thing which is very uninteresting.

I NEED TO GET OUT from this loneliness in my room ! HAHA  I cant study at all means I have focusing problem. I dont know what is happening to me. Just following the flaw i guess for now...  and no. still single! hahaha no need to know that .

I just hope that I will do well in Exam and also that I will figure out what should I do next ! I need plan to just have great holiday ! hahaha

If you notice this entry is very mess it is because my brain is not function the way I wanted it to be !

so that all for now I guess.. wish me the best ! LOVE YA !

VLOG UPDATE :WEEKEND GATEWAY

ola everyone! New video is up! 

Go check it out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYigvM5R8Gw

Don't forget to give me thumbs up okay? cool!

2ND VLOG!

So I did my second VLog at the big city of Kuala Lumpur, appearantly with good friend of mine, Mr Johnny Choong!

So I am still noob in Vlog plus I simply use my Samsung Note 2 to record all this shet.

Watch here ! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fucHv4uLy9s

#THROWBACK CHRISTMAS 2014 #SIBLING #COSTUMEPARTY

I'M NOT PERFECT

I realised that many people is counting on me to be success especially my family. but it's hard when i fail. Yes I failed many times. The only times I did not is when I truly believe that I was born to do those thing. I'm not saying that I will never fail on that area too.

I try to find somebody to except me flaws and all but when I get one, it's me who doesnt do things that I want people to treat me and I'm sorry for that.

those time when I have different opinion with other people and we started arguing, that is just childish.


I cant make people happy always. I have my own principle, if you have problem with that, well i don't give a shet. If I think that you are wrong then I will say it. I'm tired of being silent and eat all that shet in. I don't care if you treat me different just because I say things that clearly wrong and pointing it out cause i know I wont help you by being silent all the time. Either you can accept it or not, its up to you.

Either way, I'm not saying that every thing that I do is right! I myself have so many weakness in every way. There is so many things that I have to work on OBVIOUSLY! I'm not perfect kay.

MISSING MAHOMIESS

Happy New Year 2015 betch!

So I know it's a lil late for the wish but who care, we are still on January right? I hope it is still valid.

2015 resolution : same as last last year. Don't ask.
but welcome new year with new people, new drama..

WHAT NEW? So I celebrate Christmas and New Year at my hometown and  my phone broke down ! geshh... when i get back to KK, it feel so weird!

I'm in my 3rd semester now on my 2nd year with the Yayasan Sabah. Wow! how things work so fast! All the same in my college except for new juniors (welcome peeps) and new subject to get pass... again. 

I realise how my friends slowly have their own peeps and turning back against me like im nobody. Just because I don't have much passion on game just as their , even my own cuzzy never wanted to know how thing going on with me. Yes i realise im not your master or what but things arent the same thing as before, im tired going through the same old shit but yes I understand things happen for a reason and I have to be mature in taking choices. right now I just upset of how my friends respond when I need them.

I guess I really need to damn learn to except things as there are and move the f*** on. like seriously. My study hasnt been good cause I am very poor in manage my study schedule and I'm done dissapointing my parent and myself because of my pointer last sem. 

Trying to be a happy person annd being the most optimise person in the world but im tired of doing the same shit everyday. Until then, I need to find my BAE and something to make my passion shine again! I need to be me again and just be flaws like WORK IT BECTH! AND DONT CARE WHAT OTHER GIVE SHET ABOUT YOU! 


WOW, this blog becoming what I called "Curhat" short term for "Curah Hati"

I'm sorry i just wasted your time for reading this. kbai

MY CRAZY SISTER

            So, yesterday my sister asked me to accompany her to saloon at Centerpoint, KK. wait.. I never mention about my sister, Stefhannie right. Yeah so we live together at Cybercity, Kepayan. She is such a sturbbon person as I am I guess and she likes to be crazy all the time ! That is just her, I warned you.

                She wanted to get a haircut cause her hair so long already!! I even  joke that she did not need to put make up on Halloween cause her long hair are enough to scare people . HAHAHA

                Before we went to Centerpoint, the weather wasn't really good cause it was heavy rain. So I thought that maybe her plan is going to cancel, turns out she still want to get a haircut later that evening.

                 After she finally get a very nice haircut, she just couldn't resist herself to selfie-ing here and there. Girl you embarrased me.. seriously. So I have to drag her to somewhere else where people could not see.

                    Then we get a very nice dinner at Tigris, Api-api Centre. The food was really good and we have a very good conversation after that because finally I could communicate with her about almost everything without her on phone, cause she always on phone and that annoy me sometime. So get slow with phone will you girl.

                    Overall, it was such cool hang out eventhough its rained so hard but she gave me a chance to discuss about something important I guess and we shared stories.. Thats good. After finish our dinner, then we go straight to our apartment . Thats all.. nothing interesting. HAHA

BRITNEY SPEARS

       yes yes, I am going to talk about her... infact if you atleast are close to me, you would know I am a very big fan of her.

        I guess it started when I was still an innocence kid and I heard this word "Hit me baby on more" and with my innocence face asking my elder what is the song all about and all I got is that " Well Cyril, you no need to know what the song about, you still young okay !". I mean who would be satisfy with that kind of answer right?!

        So I heard this song over and over again on the radio, on the tv and even in my sister cassettes. My sister would play Britney song everyday while she was cleaning or when shes doing her homework and so on. She was a dancer when she was at highschool and she is in the group where I am with now, The "Baila Sayaw". They would do a choreography of "Overprotected", "Oops I did it Again" and other Britney song.

        I guess that was the moment where I know that I am in love pretty much everything about Britney and its looks like it is not fading anytime soon. Started with joining my sister dance training at home, I remember we will do very tense choreography eventhough I know that I will not joining her for the performance but it is like my guilty pleasure to just dance with their choreography with little experience I have. 

      Well, most of Britney song are easy to dance, plus most of the song are really catchy til my inner craziness would go out anytime I heard of her song.

    Its 2014 now, album after album I cant get enough of her music !

LATE NIGHT UPDATE

       

 So recently I just like to watch video blogs or VLOG from this couple in USA. I realise I would wait every Monday and Friday on each week to check if they already upload new video of them.

          I love how much they portrait their love for each other. They would do their adventure together and I just love their tag "Everyday Is A Great Day" and "Treat Yo Self". This two tag of them inspired me to be better me and that is good for me.

         Also they inspire me to do another video blog apart of my introduction and "3 minutes with Stella" because it is clearly that Im not good at video blogging but I will try because hey you know what they say "practise makes perfect" right. So ya, you could expect me doing video blog soon I guess but don't expect too high okay because I am still learning how to public speaking. Even though I will be talking to myself but I hope I could spread the positive aura around!

         To get some respond is what I aim for wether its good comment or or less good comment.. errkk.. I will take that as a learning process then if I got one. 

I guess that's all for now.

LOVE YA, SEE YA, BAII!

Yet Another Background Changed !

So what do you think??

Yay or nay??

God Bless Her

"I regret the day I say that "I don't care" because now I care more than ever." - Unknown

     So I just woke up because I had the weirdest dream I should say. Maybe I am little too tired because I went to bed very early than the usual. I dreamt of her. Maybe because I was thinking too much?

      It started when last night conversation with my elder brother, Charles the joker. He was suddenly asking me about her and tease me how she is fluent in french eventhough he knew between us are nothing now but I took that as a joke and ask him to stop and eventually he did.

       Later that night, I felt sleepy and decide to go to bed early. When I got on my bed, I couldn't sleep at first even I was feeling very tired but eventually did get some sleep.

       So in my dream, she was at my home and she walk pass by me several time as if she want me to notice her but I was doing something and I do notice her. After I done with things I was doing, I remember I went to the balcony and there was she standing looking at me. Not knowing what to do because I remember we never talk anymore because we faught about something silly thing which I regret now. 

       Back to my dream, she was standing there and looks like she forgotten that we fought and invited me to go to swimming pool with her brother. So we did, I even remember I ask her how to float but then I woke up.

       I have no idea why in so many thing or people I could have dream of, she is the one I dreamt in this particular night.

       Even so, right at that moment in my dream I could feel that she is in trouble I guess she just wanted a friend to distract her from thinking about something that trouble her so much.

       I'm not sure if she will be reading this but I want to let her know that I am very sorry for whatever reason that happening between us now, it is my fault that we became like this and I threw some unnecessary word to her. I seek forgiveness I supposed and also I want let her to know that I always think of her especially in my prayer and I want her to be strong in whatever temptation nor test that has set to her because God never neglect his servant. 

        Keep on praying and believe that the Lord is protecting you from every evil.

10 things

1. Haven't write anything for a long time. (Sorry)

2. Second semester at KYS.

3. Subjects getting tougher.

4. So many assignment to be done in short time.

5. New faces in college.

6. I miss my hometown, family and friends

7. Worried about my nephew condition.

8. I miss her.

9. I involve in an accident but im okay now.

10. Praise the Lord , He listen to my prayer and help me solve my problem.

Sincerely, Cyril.

Neglected Blog & My Life Now

    As usual I neglected my blog cause I can't found time to update and even when I have, I prefer to do something else haha. I also found it is hard to find enough line to post a blog haha. Anyway, I am doing good though. 

  This couple months, I spend my time travelling to many places! IM ON HOLIDAY after my first semester exam! First, I went to Kuala Lumpur, Cyber Jaya to exact for a government party then head on Langkawi Island meeting my mum and my folks there then went back to Kota Kinabalu for Kaamatan then straight to  Tawau visiting my family especially my nephew, Max. So that is pretty much what im doing all this while hehe. 

   Its been hell of a ride, I notice the more I grow up the more challenges that I have to endure and to settle more more problem. My love life is a like a joke, I cant even thinking to have someone by my side for this moment although a couple of amazing people coming to my life yet I reject and be friends with them only.

    I admit that I once fall in love with this particular person then I realise that she was never love me for once and I met her recently and shes doing good. I dont care.

    Thing I try to focus now is my damn study, man its getting harder and harder each time I wanted to learn not to say that I can't undrerstand a thing but its like I need to memorize all of this crap thing for 4 damn months only then I have exam. But hey, eventhough I complain a lot, things that need to be done shall be done right. Beside, I have new cool bitches with me all the time to help me go out of my mind all the time and just enjoy our 3 years period in this college. I hope I will have my convo with them.

      Until now, all I can do is just cross my finger and hope I will have place to sleep and money to go to my college and eat. Thats college life. Amen to that. Bye!

Thought

You know they say that bestfriends are forever ?

Think again.. maybe they never are..

Happy New Year 2014!

Hi readers,

Finally! 2014 ! wuhuu!!

2013 has taught me with many valuable experience to be more thoughtful and to choose the right direction for my life... As much as heavy for me to say goodbye to 2013, I rather saying thank you and see you again.. or maybe not XD

Enough about 2013! Let's talk about 2014 and what i'm doing with my life now! haha... sob sob

I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT!!!

Yes~ you read in right! I resign from Promenade Hotel since November last year after I got offer letter from KOLEJ YAYASAN SABAH which is going to be name "UNIVERSITI KOLEJ YAYASAN SABAH" here at Sembulan, Kota kinabalu this year as I was told by the college. I'm studying Real Estate/Property starting on December with my cousin Steven Ray Vilame. Living as a college student is awesome ! I can't deny it .. It's unbelieveable for me to be on college! haha I always have to take a step back and just thinking that this is real deal ~ I'm just grateful that I was given another chance to pursue my study! Eventhough my college is not famous and international or pretigious as other colleges/universities, I'm thankful and just dedicate to grab that DIPLOMA in 3 years! I know I can do this!

Other than that, What is your New Year resolution?? My New Year resolution is obviously concentrate on my study and just be active !!

and... I know I seldom post here at blogger aswell as on youtube but If you want to know what I up to~ I am always on facebook, wechat, twitter and even instagram.. you can find me there...!!

VIDEO BLOG !

Hey Circus readers,

    I just upload my second Video Blog at YouTube! I suddenly have this passion to do Video Blog after watching other people doing their Video Blog. It's just the same as doing my post here at Blogger but this is in Video type. So, I guess from now on if I don't update by blog here I'll keep update with you guys with my Video Blog then. So its fair and square right? I will post new blog by writing or by Video Blog if i'm lazy to type.  haha (X 

 

       Having to say that, I would be happy if you guys can SUBSCRIBE or even LIKE my YouTube Channel if you like it. I have more than 20++ videos uploaded already now , either you'll see me dancing cause I did a lot of performance for the past years now.. and I just want to share you guys what I call "JOY" or I might just talk about something I find interesting to talked or to share with you guys ! (you can also just give me some random question for me to answer at facebook) well that depending with the question though. haha. 

    

        That's it for now then. talk to you soon !

Happy Halloween!

Trick or Treat? XD

Hey Readers,

          I hope your having a good weekend and a happy Halloween for those who celebrated it. Halloween supposed to be spooky before but these day, Halloween are more than spooky and fun ! People change those spooky outfit to someone they wanna be on that day. for example, if they wanted to be a cartoon animation they will wear those cute outfit and some wanna be like their favourite singer like Beyonce etc too !! 

         This year, i'm not going to party with friends for Halloween but I had a great Thursday with family at home plus my lil sister is here and that's make it even more awesome ! XD

           I honestly have so much more to tell you all about what happening with my life so far and I cant wait to share with you. Stay tuned!

22

Happy Birthday Cyril,

    Honestly, I can't believe i'm 22 years old now.. but there you go, like it or hate it I am 22!

    Looking back from the past, I have through some awesome and also less awesome road and have lead me to who am I today. I'm not sure if I am the only once consider Birthday is like a personal New Year for myself??!! haha

    I think, this year must had the most unexpectedly challenging year for me. Haven't pursue my study yet, make some new friends .. lost friends.. yet still working the same company, busy schedule with the performances here and there, started modelling career, good progressing in singing competition and that's not all.. and I thank God for this experience and the give of life, without Him i'm nothing after all.

    Truthfully, I haven't change at all but i'm getting to understand how to take responsible yet still learning how to have fun with the journey. Money come and go. Friends come and go but family is forever.

    I just hope I can be a better person and successful in the future, a good son to my both parent (make them proud) and just enjoy the ride. 

    Thank you to all my friends and family for wishing my birthday and May God bless you ! Love you all so much !

TMTH

      It's been nearly 4 months since our argument over stupid matters and we never talk since then. I'm not going to say that i'm move on and doing alright since we didn't get any closure from this unfortunate event. 

         Honestly I never really get angry towards you after what happen rather trying my best to save our friendship but it seems that you chose to throw off 2 years and a half of our friendship to save your other relationship.. i'm still trying to figure it out and that's truly hit me hard in the heart. 

           It felt like somebody suddenly came to you and slap you in the face real hard! Different is that, I still can feel that pain in my heart until this moment on and i'm trying my best all the time to comforted my heart that it's going to be okay but my heart is still crying for more!

        I don't know why is it affecting me so hard since I thought that we are really close and it's felt that I just lost a brother and a good friend of mine. Sometimes I just want to snap out of it but it's just not working so I fake a smile to everyone to show that I'm okay and move on eventhough i'm not and it's really hard... really

        I remember I cried to sleep on my bed almost every night cause I can't help but to think what goes wrong? what did I do? how to solve..? I could only pray for the good..

        Thank God, I still have friends especially one that is understanding and there with me all the time to comforted me in my hardship . I felt half of my burden was lift up slowly but then again i'm feeling guilty to take that advantage and I might lost her too for my stupidity action.

         I'm writing this not to expect anyone to feel pity on me but I just want to say that I am truly deeply sorry to all my friends if i ever hurt them any possible way . As a fragile human being I do makes many mistake too .
  
        You all bring out the best in me when i'm with you and I will rather sacrifice myself than  to know that I am the reason of your bitter-heart. I love all of you from the bottom of my heart !

         My birthday coming up just a couple days to go and I only wish and hope that all of my friends and my family could forgive my wrong doing towards all of you. That's all I wanted for my birthday. 

P/S: I still remember our first meeting and I thank God for giving this opportunity to get to know all of you

Thank you for reading.